Surviving the Holidays: Managing Anxiety and Family
With the holiday season here, many can feel an increase in anxious feelings as their to do lists grow and they make plans to see extended family. Here I will briefly go over some steps to help you set boundaries and also feel confident as the holiday’s approach.
Set your intention- While certain family may like to dump expectations on you, don’t forget you have the power to say no! I tell all my clients that saying no, or setting a limit isn’t mean—it’s a way of protecting yourself and your energy. With a neutral tone, and a clear statement you can let family know what you can and cannot do this holiday. For example, “I will be visiting other family on Christmas Eve, so I will come over on Christmas Day.” Or, “I cannot cook a side dish and dessert but I am happy to pick up a dessert for the family.”
Don’t over explain- After you set your intention, you may feel uncomfortable. Often, it is common to over explain your reasoning out of feeling guilty. I am here to tell you—don’t do that! You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what you can and cannot do. Set your intention in a neutral tone and stick with it.
Be mindful of your anxiety leading up to a visit- All my clients know that I am big on being aware of your thoughts and feelings. Often, when you are anticipating visiting family, all the “What if they say..'“ or “They’re probably going to….” start popping up in your mind. While some of these worries can be valid based on past experience, know that working your brain up with anxious thoughts can actually make you feel very on edge by the time the day comes to visit family. Work on catching these thoughts, stopping them, changing them or distracting yourself. Often times if you go into things with an open mind you will find it’s not that bad.
Radical Acceptance- You have a power. And that power is that you KNOW your family and how they act, what they say, and their behaviors. Rather than being anxious about what they may do, use that as a tool to accept and expect these behaviors. For example, “My mom is probably going to be anxious and make everyone help her and that’s just how she is.” Or, “my uncle is probably going to make some stupid comment about politics because he likes to stir the pot.” While these behaviors aren’t fun, at least you know them and aren’t surprised by them. Knowing what to expect and accept it is a power. You can then decide how you want to respond (or not respond!)
You don’t have to engage- Knowing what your family may say or do, you have the power to choose to not engage in it. If your uncle brings up politics to get a rise out of people at the table, you don’t have to respond. You have the power to choose. If you are directly asked something, you can also say, “I don’t want to talk about that.”
You are a battery, allow yourself to recharge- People can drain our energy, and some can fill us with energy. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by family, or a holiday event, step away to give yourself a sensory break. Sometimes taking a break to use the restroom, splash cold water on your face, or step outside and feel the fresh air is just what is needed to reset.
Overall, I hope these tips help you consider what you can do to make a change this holiday so you can enjoy it too. Now that you have the tools, remember you have the power to help make your experience less stressful. Good luck and Happy Holidays!
